It all started a week ago last Saturday. I did not read or study my Sunday School lesson and it was Saturday night and I was feeling upset with myself that even though I had a whole week I did not pick up the lesson book once. I made excuses; it had been a crazy week; we had been school shopping almost every day; it was hot. Whatever. I just didn't do it. Then my husband and son come home from a marathon shopping day. Tax Free Weekend. First of the month. Gone all day shopping.
God bless them. They came home with bags full of clothes that they didn't try on at the store! It was a madhouse, dressing rooms were full, people were everywhere, I thought all the sizes were the same were the words my 14 year old son had coming from his mouth. All I could think was they had wasted an entire day and may have little show for it. Oh, irony of ironies! I had an entire week to study 3 pages of a Sunday School book and it didn't happen.
Knowing that both of them had band camp to attend beginning bright and early Monday morning, the laundry needed done, and their school shopping had to be finished because there would be no more days that would work out before school started, my husband made the executive decision that we would get up early Sunday and head back through the very same stores they had been to on Saturday to return, exchange, and find the right sizes. This time with the two little girls, age 6 and 2. Oh boy, it was going to be pure joy, said no mom ever.
So all of that to say that we didn't attend Sunday school. I was off the hook. I could just catch up the next week.
Then last week, I picked up my Sunday School book, and just turned to the bookmarked page. Ahem, last week's lesson! I read, I studied, I prayed, I looked up commentaries on the verses to gain deeper understanding. I loved that lesson. It was meant for me! It was all about hallowing God in our hearts and if He is truly the Lord of our life then we have everything we need to face our deepest fears, insecurities, and sufferings. So timely in my life! I meditated on those words all week.
Saturday morning my friend, Kim, from Sunday School messaged me to ask if I might be able to fill in as teacher for our class. Some work schedules had changed, and she thought I may be willing. Oh yes, I said! I am willing. Last April, I had said to God, "I will do anything." I meant it. But then Saturday happened. I was going in a million directions as a mom of 7 usually is and well, I thought I had it ready. I mean I had read, studied, even printed quotes from Nik Ripken, then I printed some photos from the current persecution of Christians in Iraq, and I went with it. I prayed, just a little, but mostly I was just relying on myself and what I had done to get me through the lesson. This is a life-lesson that God is always trying to teach me! Why don't I recognize it when I'm in the middle of an "I can do this, I've got this" moment?
So we get into the car, we are going to be on time because I made sure all of our outfits were ready, breakfast was easy, life was good. Then as we turned the last corner into the parking lot, fear gripped my heart. I realized that I had not been to Sunday School last week!!!! Now I was scared, fearful, feeling out of sorts, the very thing I had read and studied through 1 Peter and 2 Timothy was about to be lived out in my life in the spotlight.
2 Timothy 1:7 New King James Version (NKJV)7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Now to be fair, the lesson was a continuation of on the topic of faith and definitely had some of the same overlying themes of rejoicing in the suffering and being blessed in persecution. But the verses were different than what I had read and studied. So right there on my way into class I asked God for forgiveness. I had "puffed myself up" and became prideful that I was in control of that lesson when clearly that is not what God intended, that Sunday or any Sunday, in any class. I asked Him to take control of the situation, to give me a clear mind, to help me use the right words to meet these ladies' needs on this Sunday in this class. And He did! And He always does!
Deuteronomy 31:6 New King James Version (NKJV)6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
I'm not sure how the ladies felt about the lesson, but I sure did learn something valuable! He is teaching me that whatever He has in store for me must be done through Him, in Him, by Him, for His Glory and nothing else. It can't be about me, it can't be about what I can get from it. It has to be about Him and His Kingdom. And that is hard for this girl who has always prided myself on my own knowledge, my own resourcefulness, my own devices as you will; I am a very "me" centered person.
He is chipping, ever so slowly, into the deepest recesses of my heart and soul to reveal His ultimate masterpiece that will reflect His love, His kindness, His justice, His Holiness, His Word, and His Goodness to this dark world. Come Lord, Jesus, Come!
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