Dear Mama Relying on Credit Cards

Dear Mama Relying on Credit Cards,

I know you and I love you and you are on my heart.  You're the one who hides the card in the back of your wallet so no one sees it but you know it's there.  Maybe you've cut them up but you still have the numbers memorized so you can shop online.  Perhaps you think there is no possible way to make it until payday without a few harmless swipes until the money hits the account.  And then like last month, you see all the little swipes adding up and you know you can't pay it off.

But even scarier than the balance, what if your kids knew the truth?  What if they knew that their new clothes came at a price far greater than the sale plus coupon total?  What it they knew that half of the stuff on their Christmas list would need to be scratched off if mama didn't use credit to put it under the tree?

Oh, but what if your husband knew that instead of that one joint emergency card, you actually have several and all of them have balances?  What if he got to the mailbox first or happened to glance your way when reading the online statements?  What if he knew your deepest secret about how you are buying all the "stuff" you have?

Even worse, what if you had to have a conversation with your friends about why you can't join them for a night out and the fear that they would know that you are living beyond your income?  What if one day the credit card is denied and you had no other way to pay for the food you just ate?  What if the total is just $5 more than the available credit you have?

I will tell you what~ you will survive!  I know because I have been right there in all of those situations.  It has been 9 years that I finally broke free of the debt curse but just like an alcoholic who can't have even one sip without failing, I'm that girl when it comes to credit cards.

And right now, I'm sweating bullets knowing that since I quit my job to follow "this crazy, I don't even know what you want me to do God" plan I am craving credit so I can have new things.  My kids "need" a big Christmas.  After all, they're not the ones who told me to become a stay at home mom.  My kids "need" new jeans, even though they each already have several pair that fit them just fine.  I "need" a few new Christmas decorations because there's a few bare spots around the house and my wreath just doesn't appeal to me this year.  Heck, we need more groceries!  My kids see a pile of food but it's not the just pop it into the microwave variety so they aren't really happy with what they do see to choose from right now.

Here's the worse part.  Last week, feeling overwhelmed with my inadequacies, I applied for and was approved for a new credit card.  Now, as I said before, I have not had, used, or wanted a credit card in nine years.  It came, I activated it and filled up my car in gas.  Bonus:  I get a free $20 gift card after my first purchase so I had to use it for something, right?

I came right home, no other purchases, feeling rather happy. Like I said, I'm a credit junkie and that swipe sent me on a high, until later when I knew I was in trouble.  Later didn't come until three days later when I sat down at the computer to order a few "free" items using my LL Bean $10 off coupons.  I found myself thinking, "well this wouldn't be free but it would be just $6 after coupon and I can use my credit card for the rest".  I was about to order when I could not find the new shiny wonderfully smooth credit card in my wallet.  Hmmm, I was at the gas station, maybe I just put it in my pocket.  I checked all the laundry; nope not there.  Panic set in. It had been 3 days since I first used the card, it could've fallen into the "wrong hands" (oh, the irony!!)  I needed the card to buy some groceries to get us through the next week, forget the cute $6 gloves at LL Bean.  I tore the house and car apart and that card was just GONE!  I picked up my phone, called the company, and told them the card was lost.  No charges had been made except my gas purchase so I figured it wasn't stolen.  God told me to cancel it right then for the Bible says, "The debtor is slave to the lender."  I didn't.  I could not obey the One who has given me Life more abundantly.  I ignored the One who has promised to provide for my needs.  I turned away from the One who paid the for all my sin debts and set me free to live eternally.  I said no to Him in exchange for my drug of choice.  And I know many of you have done or are planning on doing the same. 

But today, in His gentle, loving ways he sent a message through His people and through His word again.  This morning I awoke to the sweetest message from a dear friend from my Sunday School Class.  Here's what it said,

"I visited a family last night from the fall festival. They were very receptive to our visit. When asked for a prayer need she said being in debt. She realizes that the Lord has blessed them but they are living above their means. I shared with her your blog and she pulled it up right then. I'm so thankful for your ministry through this site. You never know who it will reach but God is definitely using you in a special way..."

I don't know which family my friend visited. And I don't need to.  God knows.  He knows and will meet that mom's need as He has met mine this morning.  Thank you to my dear sister in Christ who heeded the Holy Spirit to share those encouraging words thru a text with me this morning. 

But as if that wasn't enough of a "Hey, I'm still God and I'm still in control" moment there was another one.  I purposefully set my phone alarm to wake me up an hour before I usually do.  One extra hour so I could do my Bible devotion and spend some time blogging.  I know that is what God has called me to do for now.  I logged onto If:Equip and found this passage for today's discussion:

"Now there was a famine in the land, besides the former famine that was in the days of Abraham. And Isaac went to Gerar to Abimelech king of the Philistines. And the Lord appeared to him and said, “Do not go down to Egypt; dwell in the land of which I shall tell you. Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you and will bless you, for to you and to your offspring I will give all these lands, and I will establish the oath that I swore to Abraham your father. I will multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and will give to your offspring all these lands. And in your offspring all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because Abraham obeyed my voice and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws. So Isaac settled in Gerar."  Genesis 26:1-6

Posted as today's devotion question was:  Are you willing to step out of normal and listen to what God wants you to do?

God did not want Isaac to follow his father's blueprint for what to do during a famine.  Abraham had gone down into Egypt to escape famine but God was telling Isaac not to do that.  Going to the land of Egypt was the wise thing to do, it was a land of plenty and had fertile fields from the Nile River.  Going to Egypt just made sense.  But God said "No, stay here in this land that is experiencing famine and I will be with you." Not only did God promise to be with Isaac, He promised him blessings for generations if He would simply obey.

God has told me not to do the normal things in the last few months; give up conventional wisdom.  He has repeatedly shown me not to follow the world but to listen to His commandments. I did listened and I quit my job in August.  And with quitting I've lost my contract and my assurance of a paycheck not only for this year but future years.  And people think I'm crazy.  My family, my kids, my husband lately have questioned if I did the right thing.  It's been a few months, where's the blessings, what's going on, when can I buy new jeans for my girls, lol?  But He says stay and He will bless me.  He says keep on the narrow path not the wide open, easy road to what I think or the world thinks is goodness and blessings.

So I will not go down into Egypt, where goodness and plenty may be available, but I will stay right here Lord where you've asked me to be for this season and rely on you for the goodness and blessings even if they don't look like what the world says is good.  Credit cards are a mirage like in the desert.  Egypt is surrounded by deserts.  They look shiny and may promise goodness and blessings but they do not deliver.  Only God does.  Shiny, pretty things will fade and lose color, jeans will rip or grow too tight, Christmas gifts will end up in yard sales but the Word of God never fails.

I'm praying for you mama!  Pray for me in return.

In Christ Alone,

Angie Hopkins